STEP ONE
“We admitted we were powerless over alcohol (our problem) and that our lives had become unmanageable.”
Step One is the gateway to the recovery process. Without it, there is very little hope that we can effectively achieve our goal.
In this crucial step we are called upon to admit our personal powerlessness over the dilemma in which we find ourselves. We are called upon to admit that our life has reached a state of such disrepair that we see no possibility of ever setting it right again.
Despite all that we have been taught about never giving up, never yelling “uncle,” never admitting defeat, we now find ourselves facing the unrelenting fact that all of our old beliefs have withered and blown away in the reality of our present situation.
We shall learn, as we pursue Step One, that we are feeing some puzzling paradoxes: “We have to surrender to win.” “To keep what we have, we have to give it away.” “Failure is not final—it is actually a stepping stone to success.”
Are these contradictory thoughts? We don’t think so. They have proven valid for many of us.
Day 1—ADMISSION
“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”
LAO-TZU
Today we open the door to a new and positive outlook on life. This “letting in” process expands our horizons and allows us to accept ourselves more fully.
For most of us it is painful to admit our powerlessness. It forces us to confront the fact that our lives are not working as we had hoped, and that in all probability, our own behavior is the cause.
Because each of us is the product of our past, we have been programmed into mind-sets and attitudes we’ve never thought to question.
We’re like the young bride whose husband asked why she cut off the end piece of the ham before she baked it. “Mother taught me to fix it this way,” she replied. But, suddenly curious about it, she asked her mother why she made ham this way. “Because,” replied her mother, “your granny did hers this way.” More determined than ever to get to the bottom of the puzzle, the bride went to her grandmother to solve the mystery. “Well, child,” said granny, “I did it because a whole ham wouldn’t fit into my oven.
Just like that young bride and her mother, it rarely occurs to us to wonder why we do a thing. We’re as conditioned by habit as Pavlov’s dog—the bell rings and we perform.
The initial step, then, is for us to admit that it is solely up to us to discover why we have continued to behave in a way that brings up negative feelings and causes us great discomfort.
TODAY’S STEP: To admit that I am powerless is both a relief and a source of new hope.
Day 2—ADMISSION
“Are you part of the problem—or part of the solution?”
ANONYMOUS
Did you ever wonder why—although we each have eyes, ears, noses and mouths—we all look so distinctly different? Of course there are family resemblances, and occasionally we’ll meet someone who “looks just like cousin Sally.” But isn’t it incredible that with the billions of people who inhabit this planet, barring identical twins, no two of us look exactly alike?
This is also true of our personalities, our thought processes, our likes and dislikes, and our beliefs and disbeliefs. We vacillate between wanting to conform and wanting to rebel. Often we view the world with suspicious eyes, feeling we have been treated unfairly. Many of us tend to look at life as a struggle against unreasonable odds.
But there’s another way to look at things. We can alter our attitudes and begin to act positively and constructively. We can learn to see value in situations that appear negative, and attempt to come to terms with the world and all its imperfections. These are all worthwhile and attainable goals. But, to achieve them, we must first acknowledge our present dilemma.
It would be handy to have a blueprint for such an undertaking. But because each one of us is unique and special, we can only generalize about the process. We must each plot our own course to fit who we are.
TODAY’S STEP: I can look at past behavior and past programming with new eyes.
Day 3—UNIQUENESS
“There never were, since the creation of the world, two cases exactly parallel.”
LORD CHESTERFIELD
Whenever we are confronted with a challenge that involves letting go of our own opinions and being willing to follow a plan suggested by someone else, we immediately begin to see all the glitches, all the exceptions we’re sure do not apply to us.
“My case is different!” we cry. It is so necessary for us to preserve our own uniqueness, our own specialness, that we’re sure that letting go will plunge us into a sea of nothingness. Right? Wrong.
We are, all of us, unique. We have our own special sense of identity that has been with us since birth. Some of us have positive self-images. Others of us suffer from low self-esteem. However, we are still uniquely “us,” and we’re afraid of anything that might take that feeling of “us-ness” away.
This step, and those that follow, have been carefully designed to help us get to know the very important and precious individual we really are. This process scrapes away the facades and subterfuges we thought were necessary for our survival. It allows us to see ourselves as free, productive and worthwhile human beings; to see that while we are different, we also share many facets of sameness with other human beings. These similarities allow us not only to profit by the experience of others, but also to recognize that so many of our actions have been the result of misguided ideas and faulty information. We can cherish our uniqueness while still learning from the experience of others.
TODAY’S STEP: I know that the path I have chosen is the right one for me, and I will walk it unafraid.
Day 4—WHAT WILL THEY THINK OF ME?
“A life spent in making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent in doing nothing.”
GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
Many of us have been so brainwashed by worrying what people will think that we’re willing to remain in a state of misery rather than admit we’ve been going about something the wrong way.
We’re afraid of being found out, of showing bad judgment, of being perceived as inept. We are like the nearsighted girl who was invited to dinner by her boyfriend’s parents. She mistook a bowl of heavily cinnamoned applesauce for brown gravy and ladled it on her mashed potatoes. “Do you like applesauce on your potatoes, dear?” asked the boy’s mother. “Oh, yes,” she replied, “I always eat them this way,” and then proceeded to finish every bite, afraid they would think she had made a mistake.
People who are late for appointments hate to admit that their own planning was to blame. So they use excuses, such as traffic problems, long-distance phone calls or minor emergencies to explain their tardiness.
Admission comes as a painful step for us because we feel shame and guilt for having been so far off course. It is, however, a liberating step. It opens the door to new possibilities and a much more comfortable existence.
At this point it’s good to remember that, if our life isn’t working for us, it isn’t for lack of trying. It’s simply that we haven’t yet found the formula that makes it work.
TODAY’S STEP: In admitting my mistakes, I find the freedom to grow.
