Telling the Truth to Your Adopted or Foster Child: Making Sense of the Past

by Betsy Keefer

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Author: Betsy Keefer

Publisher: Bergin & Garvey Trade

Paperback:
ISBN 10: 0897896912
ISBN 13: 978-0897896917

Telling a child he or she is adopted can be a trying task, but this is only the first step. After becoming aware that he or she is adopted, the child will question the details of the adoption. The truth may reveal details that are painful and sometimes traumatic: a parent is in prison, a drug addict, or even a rapist. In Telling the Truth to Your Adopted or Foster Child, Keefer and Schooler demonstrate that in even the most difficult situations, foster and adoptive parents must not withhold or distort information about the past. Though sometimes including difficult truths, communication between a caregiver or parent and foster or adopted child can help a child grow up into an emotionally and psychologically healthy adult. Providing help for parents or caregivers wishing to productively communicate with their child, Keefer and Schooler answer such questions as: How do I share difficult information about my child's adoption in a sensitive manner? When is the right time to tell my child the whole truth? How do I find further information on my child's history? Age appropriate guidelines will make an arduous task organized and easier. Detailed descriptions of actual cases help the parent or caregiver find ways to discover the truth (particularly in closed and international adoption cases), organize the truth, and explain the truth gently to a toddler, child, or young adult that may be horrified by it. Parents, teachers, counselors, and other caregivers will come away from this reading with a sharper knowledge of how to make sense of the past for foster and adopted children of all ages.

Review

“[A] clear and helpful guide for parents and others who work with adopted children. How to gather information about the birth family and how to present that information to a child in age-appropriate increments are lucidly explained. Suggested techniques are detailed and explicit, taking into careful consideration the life stage of the adopted child, including adolescence. Each chapter concludes with questions for readers so they may apply information to their specific case--a helpful device. This excellent book deserves a place in public libraries because it advocates a constant policy of truth to remove the vestiges of shame and secrecy from adoption.”–Library Journal

“This well written book would be a fantastic resource to any adoptive or foster parent considering whether to, or how to, tell their child about their early history.”–Youth In Mind

“Beautifully assists adoptive and foster parents in unraveling the mysteries that can cause so much pain for adopted persons--as children, adolescents and adults--and their families. With sensitivity and remarkable insight, Keefer and Schooler skillfully tackle the hard issues with which foster and adoptive parents struggle in deciding to tell and telling their children their true histories. It is an indispensable resource, combining a rich understanding of the psychological complexities of adoption with straight-forward guidance that foster and adoptive parents will treasure.”–Madelyn Freudlich Executive Director The Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute

“There is a great need for this book and I feel the authors do a wonderful job of giving clear guidelines and examples that adoptive parents can follow to explain even the most difficult of adoption-related circumstances to their children. This book gives parents the concrete tools they need to share information openly and honestly in words their children can understand. Adoption has gone through such a transition over the past 10 to 20 years, and the situations that the children are coming from is often so much more complex, parents need this type of guidance and support. For adoptees, accurate information and facts about themselves and their past are critical, this book gives parents the input and direction they need to build healthy communication and relationships. The authors have given a great gift to the adoption community--this book is a must read for all adoptive parents.”–Betsie Norris Executive Director Adoption Network

“Finally, a book which talks about telling adoptive children the WHOLE truth! Keefer and Schooler do an excellent job of presenting just why the truth--with all of its details--can help heal the hurt child. Adoptive families will find this book helpful as they struggle with how to share the good, the bad, and the ugly with their children. It will help them avoid deceiving their child about his or her past. A must read for parents of traumatized children.”–Gregory C.Keck Psychologist Founder/Director of the Attachment of the Bonding Center of Ohio Coauthor of Adopting the Hurt Child

About the Author

BETSY KEEFER is a Training Consultant for the Institute for Human Services in Columbus, Ohio, where she has been instrumental in the development of adoption training curriculum for professionals used nationwide.

JAYNE E. SCHOOLER, an affiliate trainer with the Institute for Human Services and Program Manager for the National Foster Parent Association, has over 20 years of experience in child welfare, first as a foster parent, then as adoptive parent, adoptive professional and educator. She is the author of The Whole Life Adoption Book, (1993) and Searching for a Past (1995).

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Adolescent Psychology

Telling the Truth to Your Adopted or Foster Child: Making Sense of the Past