WHY DIDN'T I NOTICE HER BEFORE?: a memoir about dying to live

by Beth Cramer

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Author: Beth Cramer

Publisher: Beth Cramer

Paperback:
ISBN 10: 1733375201
ISBN 13: 978-1733375207

“…this keenly observed memoir delicately balances humor and heartache while signaling the importance of each passing moment. A profoundly moving remembrance that’s alternately sad and uplifting.”--Kirkus Review

"Cramer opens her heart and digs deep in this authentic and unexpected story."(Lynn Povich author of The Good Girls Revolt)

In the fall of 2017, Beth Cramer went to a doctor for heartburn and came home with seven samples of Prilosec and stage 4 ovarian cancer. Over the next several months Cramer was in and out of hospitals and doctors’ offices with her three fearless sisters, parents, husband and son by her side. However, it was through her diagnosis and impending death that she was finally set free from an obsession and debilitating regret that had defined nearly a quarter of her life. Who would have thought that the journey towards purpose and peace would be achieved through the teachings of cancer? Irreverent, painfully honest and often hilarious, Why Didn’t I Notice Her Before? Is a beautifully observed memoir that finds courage and humor in the face of undefeatable odds. It questions the importance of regret and life choices, and it explores motherhood, marriage, friendship, and family while examining the elusive questions we all grapple with. Why me? What am I living for? And who can I negotiate with to make my life and legacy more meaningful than driving a carpool?

Review

KIRKUS REVIEW

A New York City-based film editor confronts a diagnosis of terminal cancer in this debut memoir.

In August 2017, Cramer was told that she had stage 4 ovarian cancer. During a routine medical appointment, a nurse practitioner examined a bump on the author's pelvis and quickly handed her a slip to get an urgent CT scan, as though it were a baton in a "relay race." She was later told that she had a "fourteen-centimeter tumor" and that she must undergo surgery to remove "the big mass...the uterus, ovaries, fallopian tubes, all of it," and then receive chemotherapy. The memoir describes how Cramer, a New York film editor; her husband, Todd; and their young son, Noah, came to terms with the news. She describes all aspects of her treatment, from awaiting surgery to having a port inserted in her chest for infusions. She also poses penetrating questions--one chapter, for example, is titled "Should I Fight?"--and approaches the act of wig shopping with wickedly mordant wit: "I sit down in the wig barber's chair looking like my two-year-old-self refusing to wear underwear because it is itchy." The book goes on to explore how the author's cancer diagnosis has changed her outlook on life, asking "will an illness as serious as this teach me that I no longer need to fix things, and can I finally release my grip and get on with living?" Cramer's writing is characterized by an eagle-eyed search for positivity: "Fuck it. I want to live my life not spend time making legacy boxes of my unfinished one." For the author, this statement is an act of personal catharsis, but her message has an inspirational universality. Some readers may flinch at her bluntness, but for most, her writing will offer revitalizing guidance: "I'm told death is close, it is imperative that I take initiative to go any direction away from stuck." Overall, this keenly observed memoir delicately balances humor and heartache while signaling the importance of each passing moment.

A profoundly moving remembrance that's alternately sad and uplifting.

About the Author

Beth Cramer is an accomplished editor and director of independent films, commercials and music videos. Her award-winning documentary "Plan B, Single Women Choosing Motherhood," explores the social picture single motherhood presents and the reason this trend is snowballing among women in their thirties and forties. In 2017 Cramer was diagnosed with stage IV Ovarian Cancer and her memoir, Why Didn't I Notice Her Before?, documents her experience as a mother, wife, sister and daughter through her diagnosis. Today, Cramer lives with her husband and son in the Hudson Valley and spends her time writing and creating.

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WHY DIDN'T I NOTICE HER BEFORE?: a memoir about dying to live