The Evolved Masculine: Be the Man the World Needs & the One She Craves

by Destin Gerek

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Author: Destin Gerek

Publisher: Archetypal Publishing

Paperback:
ISBN 10: 1734144106
ISBN 13: 978-1734144109

Every Crisis Has an Answer.

The public spotlight showcasing what not to do or be as a man has a new level of severity, but few role models are lighting the way forward. Drawing on his 20-year career as a sexuality and leadership coach for men, Destin Gerek brings the full tour de force of his extraordinary lived experience as the Erotic Rockstar and acclaimed professional expertise to create inspiring new models of possibility for men.

Destin spearheads this new paradigm through the compelling (and at times explicit) personal stories and practical proven techniques in this book, which show men how to have greater confidence, more and better sex, and hotter, more satisfying relationships with women.

The book is broken into five parts:
In Part I: Self as Creator, readers will explore the perspectives and paradigm shifts that Gerek used to radically reinvent himself twice over so that they can use the same tools to do the same.
In Part II: Lessons of the Evolved Masculine, Gerek shares stories of his own journey of discovery with the intention of inspiring readers with possibility for their own life.
In Part III: Sexual Self-Mastery, readers will focus on reprogramming how they relate to their body, their sexuality, and their pleasure.
In Part IV: Understanding Women and the Feminine, readers will tackle the big questions about women: What does she really want? Why does she do the things she does? Readers will gain a better understanding of what is going on with women on a larger collective and cultural level, and learn how to better understand the particular woman in their lives.
And finally, in Part V: The Path Continues, where this path has led Gerek, and how readers can best integrate the teachings of this book to move forward into the rest of their lives as more whole men, now more firmly rooted in their own Evolved Masculine.

Evolution has taught us that it is neither the strongest nor the most intelligent that survive, it is those who are most adaptable to change. Men are being called to rise, to redefine their roles. And, amid this "crisis of masculinity," the men committed to walking the Evolved Masculine path are leading the way.

From the Author

Introduction

She was raped by her boyfriend on her fifteenth birthday, three months beforewe met. I was the first person she told. The moment she told me, I was over-come with a wide range of emotions. The strongest: rage. From time to time,images would flash through my mind of throwing this unnamed, faceless boyagainst the wall and hammering nails into each of his testicles. At sixteen, thisexperience was more than I was emotionally equipped to handle.

Anjali and I went on to have a multi-year relationship. Her rape trauma was ever-present. As deep and intimate as we were emotionally, it always felt like there was something in the way between us. The trauma also manifested physically: I have distinct memories of sitting on the bathroom floor at two o'clock in the morning, holding her hand while she was on the toilet screaming in pain from near-constant UTIs and bladder infections.

Unconsciously, I began to internalize the idea that men and "maleness" are dangerous, especially men's sexuality. As a result, I cut off the connection to my own masculinity. The pain of my confusion, anger, and helplessness haunted me. From this place, at eighteen years old, I made a choice that would alter the course of my life: I would devote my life to creating a world in which men wouldn't dream of committing such atrocities.

Fast forward ten years, and at the age of twenty-eight, I was struggling. My tumultuous relationship with my long-term girlfriend at the time was a wreck. On top of that, I still had the strong sense that I was supposed to do something big in the world, and yet I wasn't doing much of anything. I was living at around the poverty line, barely making ends meet, each month afraid I wouldn't be able to pay my very minimal rent. After a while I got the sense that these two things--the powerlessness I felt in my relationship and in my lack of movement toward doing something meaningful in the world--were somehow interconnected.

It was at this time that I came across David Deida's book, The Way of the Superior Man. Initially, I was triggered by the things I was reading; his ideas around masculine-feminine dynamics seemed to fly in the face of the feminist education I received at university. The ideas he wrote about seemed so absolute. I had learned that concepts of masculinity and femininity are social constructs. They're not real. We make them up. You can do anything, be any way you feel like.

I had spent the previous ten years railing against any notion of gender, asking myself, Why must it be "masculine" and "feminine"? Can't we all just be human? And here Deida was presenting a very particular way of being, which he called the "superior man." Deida presents men and women as inherently distinct from one another and proposes that we treat women and men quite differently, especially within romantic relationships. I had learned to treat men and women the same; we're more alike than we are different.

However, I was at my wits' end--I didn't want to lose my girlfriend, whom I adored. I was desperate and didn't know what else to do, so the next time an argument began between us, I decided to try a technique from the book. Instead of reacting to her anger with my own anger, as I had always done, I caught myself and practiced staying steady--not taking anything she was saying personally, not defending against anything, not trying to prove my point or show how I was right. Instead, I simply let her be angry.

I was amazed at how well it worked. Instead of the usual experience--both of us ricocheting off of each other, getting angrier and angrier, becoming more and more volatile, and feeling like we were just leaving more scars on each other after it was over--it dissipated rather quickly.

After our tiff, she came back to me with softness, openness, and love. When I shared with her the passage from the book that had inspired the change in my reaction, she looked at me with a smile and said: "Keep on reading, baby."

And so I did. Despite my hesitancy, it was working. More than anything, though, Deida's book helped open my eyes to just how disconnected I was from my masculinity, and more than that, how utterly afraid I had been of it.

While I didn't agree with everything David Deida put forth, I decided that 2007 was going to be the year that I actively explored my masculinity and what it meant to me to be a man in this world. In this sense, I am incredibly grateful to Deida and this book for acting as a catalyst for what would prove to be a profound journey of transformation.

I needed to make very clear to myself from the start that this exploration was not about me trying to fit into the very box that I had previously shunned, but rather, to break myself free from any boxes. I declared to myself, Screw what society says. Hell, even screw what David Deida says. I'm almost thirty years old. Let me figure out what being a man means for me. I set out to answer and live into the questions: What is this thing called masculinity? How do I find the beauty and good in it? What are the qualities and values it has to add to my life? And how do I find my own right relationship with it?

When I made that decision, I had no idea just how powerful and transformative this path would turn out to be. At the time, I thought it was just me. I thought that this was a journey I needed to go on because of my own fuçked-up relationship to masculinity. It took me years to realize that though my personal set of experiences were uniquely my own, large numbers of men today grapple with their masculinity and understanding of what it means to be a man, and that the intentionality and intensity with which I was to undertake this metamorphosis would take me from being afraid of other men to becoming a leader of men.

We are living in a time in which notions of masculinity and femininity and the roles of men and women are being questioned and have become more fluid than ever before. In previous generations, the roles for men and women were much more clearly defined. You were given a clear road map, and you were simply supposed to follow it.

This increasingly outdated roadmap, however, has broken down. The rigidity of those roles has felt more and more confining for men and women alike. We have had several generations of women increasing their status and power within our society, breaking out of predefined boxes of who they are supposed to be as women, and demanding their choice to be anything they want to be. These radical changes have become increasingly uncomfortable for us as men. They have forced us to look within, reassess our own outdated programming, and evolve our understanding of masculinity and what it means to be a man.

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The Evolved Masculine: Be the Man the World Needs & the One She Craves