The Baby Decision: How to Make The Most Important Choice of Your Life
Publisher: Orchard View Press
ISBN 10: 0997500700
ISBN 13: 978-0997500707
• FROM CONFUSION TO CONFIDENCE IN FIVE STEPS
• SECOND EDITION COMPLETELY REVISED AND UPDATED
The Baby Decision is a clear, compassionate guide to making a parenting or childfree decision with confidence. Many women of childbearing age and their partners find it hard to make this life-changing decision. Without a crystal ball, what can you do? Some women say “I like the idea of motherhood, but how do I know I’d really enjoy it? What will happen to my job, my relationship, my sanity?” Or they say, “I’m leaning toward being childfree, but will I be sorry later?”
Merle Bombardieri, MSW, LICSW has been helping people make this decision for over thirty years in her therapy and coaching practice and in her Baby Decision Workshops. With a depth that only a psychotherapist can provide, she shows you strategies for dealing with doubt and ambivalence and uncovering your deepest self-knowledge. Through anecdotes, exercises, guidelines, and checklists, she leads you to your best possible choice.
Imagine the relief of finally cutting through the tangled vines of pros and cons and seeing a clear decision emerge. Merle helps you not only to make a decision but to use it as an opportunity for you and your relationship to grow.
You will learn how to:
• Use dozens of “Secret Doors” exercises to uncover hidden feelings and wisdom.
• Separate your own needs and preferences from societal myths and expectations.
• Give full consideration to the rewards and opportunities of living childfree.
• Talk constructively with your partner even if you disagree.
• Manage work-life balance and keep your relationship strong.
• Make decisions about one-child families, single and gay parenting, fertility and adoption.
• Borrow some of the benefits of the other choice.
You will also learn how to trust your decision and make the most of it.
• Includes resources, bibliography and index.
• Bonus section: Preparing your body for a healthy pregnancy.
"The Baby Decision" Parenthood Decision Making Workshops
• July 10, 2016 Cambridge Center for Adult Education (ccae.org)
• October 30, 2016 Cambridge Center for Adult Education (ccae.org)
"Bombardieri is magic. In this book, she takes you by the hand into the depths of the scary and sometimes overwhelming baby decision and step by step, she helps you find clarity. The Baby Decision is a must read for everyone of child-bearing age."
--Mara Altman, Author of Thanks for Coming, Baby Steps and Bearded Lady
“I am so excited about The Baby Decision. Being 31, my peers are beginning to struggle with this question in a big way. When I read about the distinction between “growth” and “safety” needs, a light bulb went off over my head. You broke that down so clearly and so quickly. This is such an important book!”—Katie O’Reilly, Journalist, memoirist, contributor to Atlantic.com, Buzzfeed, and B.I.T.C.H
The intelligence and generosity of Bombardieri's perspectives are a gift to all women and men; she deeply honors individuality while reminding us of the compassion that is all of our potential."
-- Bina Venkataraman, writer and climate policy expert
"The Baby Decision is an indispensable guide to greater awareness and freedom for anyone wrestling with one of life's most important decisions. Bombardieri provides a lens that illuminates the architecture of healthy decision-making. Brimming with humanity and respect, informed by research and infused with clinical wisdom, this book is a gem."
----Stephanie Morgan, MSW, Psy.D. Psychologist, Private Practice. Co-author, Mindfulness and Psychotherapy, and Compassion and Wisdom in Psychotherapy.
“Intelligent, sensitive, and exceptionally useful support to all in the process of the conscious decision making about transition to parenthood or childfree living. A tremendous contribution!”—Janet Surrey, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist and Meditation Teacher specializing in Diversity, Mothering, Adoption, and Substance Abuse. Her latest book is The Buddha’s Wife: The Path of Awakening Together
"A perfect guidebook for any person making the life changing decision to have a child, or be childfree. Merle Bombardieri offers cogent, insightful, practical, and always deeply kind suggestions to help her readers make their own best decision with clarity, courage, and peace."
--Deborah Rozelle, Psy.D., clinical psychologist, trauma and adoption expert; co-editor and author of Mindfulness-Oriented Interventions for Trauma: Integrating Contemplative Practices
“Bombardieri is a master at teasing apart the details of the decision-making process. Her thoughtful and thorough exploration of each facet of the decision-making process—among the array of parenting options, is an invaluable resource for those contemplating parenthood, and professionals who help them work through the process.”Carol Sheingold, MSW, LICSW—adoption professional and bio-adoptive parent.
"This book is an invaluable tool for anyone making this enormous life decision ... In clear and compassionate prose, The Baby Decision guides productive thought and discussion. Most important, it makes two things clear: first, it's OK to feel uncertain and conflicted. And second, you CAN come to a decision and move forward."
-- Jenna Russell, Boston Globe reporter, co-author New York Times Best Seller, Last Lion, and Long Mile Home
“This book offers an accessible, doable, and empathic approach for any person struggling with the baby decision.”— Phyllis B. Fitzpatrick, LICSW, Private Practice, Former Adoption Social Worker
“I think the millions of young women turning the decision over in their heads could profit by reading it…. Full of sentences you’ll chew over and savor. Best book on the subject.”— Ann Ulmschneider, Childfree Advocate (Praise for the first edution)
About the Author
Merle (Malkoff) Bombardieri, is a clinical social worker/ psychotherapist who specializes in parenthood decision-making, infertility, adoption, and making the most of a childfree life. Although she enjoyed raising her daughters, now grown, she has also been an advocate for childfree people since 1979. She has been in private practice for 30+ years in Lexington, MA. In 1981, she published the first edition of The Baby Decision based on interviews and reviews of scholarly research. Then in 1982 she became Clinical Director of RESOLVE, the national infertility association. There she wrote guidelines for infertility patients who were making decisions on new techniques such as in vitro fertilization and donor egg, as well as adoption and surrogacy. Around that time, she founded the support group Boston Single Mothers by Choice.
This revised second edition of The Baby Decision, is based on 35 more years of work guiding decision-makers in educational workshops, long-distance coaching for people around the world and psychotherapy. Merle brings a sense of humor and compassion to her work. She helps clients and readers get curious about themselves and about making new discoveries that make life more fun.
Merle’s writing has appeared in Our Bodies, Ourselves, Brides, Glamour, Self, the Boston Globe Magazine, Boston Magazine and psychology blogs. She has lectured at Harvard Medical School, M.I.T., Wellesley College, and the Cambridge Center for Adult Education. She has appeared on national radio and television news shows, talk shows and documentaries, including the Leeza Show. Merle has been quoted in Time, Newsweek, the New York Times, the Boston Globe and the Huffington Post. She has also written medical journal articles and a chapter in a medical textbook.
Merle is married and the mother of two grown daughters and the grandmother of a two-year-old boy. She enjoys creative writing, yoga, hiking, and travel.
She is working on a novel, Don’t Ask, about two sisters and a surrogate pregnancy.
Sign up for her newsletter at www.thebabydecision.com.